Start the Car

 With Kane-like ponderance, I find myself in the height of summer realising I didn’t finish my last blog post and return weeks later to most likely hit the bar from 3 yards out…. But here goes…

The Euros feel like an age ago now, I’ve enjoyed detaching from the footie and watching pure grit and sporting endeavour at the Olympics, Chelsea have since signed 87 more players, there’s been more goals scored on Day 1 of the Championship season today than I’m likely going to see all season under Dycheball and Everton remain for sale longer than an unused Joey Biden for president flag. 

So let’s recap, with a dose of perspective earned from putting some distance between another glorious English failure and today. Sometimes the game of football is quite simple. Spain, the best team in the tournament, won the tournament. Their best player, won the player of the tournament. In winning the tournament, Spain won every game, and beat Croatia, Italy, Germany, France and England. In terms of statements at international football, they don’t get more impressive than that. And they did so by demonstrating that this crazy game is, and always will be, a team game. By far, Spain were the most fluid and cohesive team where every player knew their role and responsibilities. Even Morata.

So….England. What side of the coin to fall on. A Bellingham masterpiece bike papered over the cracks of a very flat start to the tournament and had that not happened would have resulted in torturous recriminations that honestly I think Southgate would not have deserved. Of course mistakes were made that are incredibly frustrating, the left side of the field, attacking subs only when in desperation, but at least he showed he was willing to make changes as the tournament progressed and not stubbornly stick with TAA in midfield the whole way. In many ways, the ending result was a very Southgate outcome. Better than prior regimes, a professionalism and togetherness about the team (& towards the end of the tournament the fans too), nothing too spectacular (& yes, cautious) but quite productive in terms of tournament progress. But never quite good enough to get over the line. I also think it was clearly apparent this was Gareth’s last tournament. Whether that impacted the players or not we’ll never know until they become overly judgmental and nostalgic Match of the Day expert pundits.

Which brings us to what comes next. And what comes next is somewhat delusional. Even the FA in putting out their job ad (yes, they did this!) made it clear they needed a new manager that would go beyond Southgate ball success - anything other than the new boss coming in and winning a major tournament for the first time in 60 years would be considered failure. No pressure then. We’re also going to see screaming voices for the biggest names in football to step into the breach. Yet the European champions were managed by a bloke who lasted 11 games at Alaves as his only top flight experience.  The reality is that international football is vastly different than club football. Southgate, hardly a decorated domestic manager, did a good job of improving the atmosphere around the England squad, removing the cliques and pulling all of the team together. That needs to continue.

At least, in the interim, the FA has started well by putting Lee Carsley in place. I’m interested in seeing how he does with the games he has in charge… maybe an Everton bias, but he knows the players, the set up and genuinely seems like a decent bloke. You do feel the FA may be hoping it goes well and they find their new accidental manager the same way they landed on Southgate. The biggest challenge is managing the lofty expectations… England have no right to World Cup glory in 2026. Spain’s youngsters just won Olympic gold, France and Germany will surely improve & between Argentina, Brazil, Columbia and Uruguay - there’s some tough competition ahead. It’s very conceivable England could lose to any of those teams. 

But lots to get excited about though for 2026, as the greatest show on earth comes stateside. Seeing Alexi Lalas spontaneously combust as the US team continue to under achieve, the US scramble to improve facilities from the Copa as some shocking pitches and the ticket fiasco at the final were alarming, managing expectations at home with my boys casually asking “hey Dad, can we all go to watch the World Cup final, it’s in New York!”, all while researching RV rentals and various route maps to every single US venue.

So that’s the recap. Support the Brummie. Start the car (& RV? 🤔)

Death and taxes

The Final: Spain 2 - England 1

I had to sleep on the result before posting, as my reaction is quite complicated to reconcile. On the one hand, we lost to a superior Spain, made a match of it, threatened a comeback and have reached back-to-back finals in this tournament, something that France, Belgium and Germany would be envious of. But, on the other, we left ourselves with only a fluke-shot chance of coming away with anything from this game, in my mind caused by a long-running mismanagement of personnel, tactics and mentality.

Let's deal with the positive first, before I close out my Euro posts with a rant. Spain were excellent. In Yamal and Williams they have wonderful balance, pace and threat on both flanks. At one stage they switched Williams across to the right, and left Yamal on that side too, giving the returning to fitness Shaw an absolute double nightmare. In Rodri they have simply the most complete and immovable midfielder in modern football. Their full backs were good, midfield full of purpose and a speed of passing. They are an excellent team and very worthy winners. They also won all of their games, and beat Germany, France, Croatia and Italy on the way to their final. They graced the tournament with a near flawless effort. Partisanship aside, I am glad they won. 

As for England, they were clearly (but needlessly) inferior. They reached the final having scratched past Serbia, drawn with Slovenia and Denmark, scraped a last second equaliser against Slovakia to progress, required penalties vs Switzerland, and needed a 90th minute winner from  the unplayable (in every sense it seems) Watkins in the semi vs Netherlands. That record, when you look at it, is telling. Southgate calls it 'moments' and 'mental fortitude' - but I call it 'luck' and 'warning signs not heeded'. We basically were on the edge all tournament; and whilst we can congratulate ourselves for reaching the final, we've stunk the tournament out in large parts - and been carried by rare flashes of brilliance that on another occasion would have hit a post, gone wide, or just been off target and seen us exit in disgrace. Usually speaking, these tournaments aren't a matter of luck, rarely can a team rely on playing without a real plan and hoping somebody good does something good. Just ask Belgium. 

So where did it all go wrong? 

1. Inertia - to my mind, this all went wrong, as it did in the last Euros, when the FA and Southgate decided to continue their love affair after the preceding failure. We've had 2 years to get ourselves ready for this tournament - and yet we didn't have a left back fit to start a match until the final day of the tournament, despite a 26 deep squad size. We used the group stages to 'experiment' on the midfield, despite having had 2 years of fixtures to manage the transition from Henderson and Phillips to any two other players who would be better. Likewise in defence. We've had Konsa and Gueye performing superbly at club level, yet not given time to bed into the England squad because of the lingering loyalty to Macguire and odd obsession with Dunk. The FA have been too scared to let go of Southgate, and he in turn has been too scared to replace players who needed replacing. 
2. Cowardice - nothing ventured, nothing gained. There's the cowardice that forms the inertia I've already mentioned, being afraid to replace players on the grounds of loyalty. Its an easy argument to make, "Henderson has never let me down" etc - but that logic only follows if you're being asked to "select someone who hasn't let you down". But the name of the game here is to put together the best squad possible, better than the rest of a highly competetive continent. More cajones needed in selection, but also in approach. Grealish took years to break into the team, and a multitude of reasons were offered up, "needs to play for a bigger club", "isn't playing the in champions league", "doesn't offer the right balance" and so forth. Yamal played the majority of the tournament at age 16. The Spain coach didn't give a shit, he just sees a dangerous player and selects him. Likewise Williams - he's a threat, and rather than procrastinating, he's just gone and selected them both and put in place a system that protects the areas behind them and gives them a platform to shine. 
3. Tactical blindness - we get told our coach has a force of will, strong principles, loyalty and patience. Tactical blindness is what these words essentially mean. We have all watched Kane lumbering about, being hugely ineffective in the tournament. "Oh but he scored", cry the apologists; but this is surely inevitable. Leave a striker on the pitch for long enough vs inferior opponents and they will likely score. This doesn't vindicate any decision to omit strikers that are not only more fit, more on form, but also who complement the system and squad that you appear to be using. The difference in possibilities that were apparent when Watkins came on we there for all to see. He ran channels, he pressed defences, he provided an out ball, the pace of our attacks was drastically increased. That any top-level coach can see this, and yet ignore it, should not be congratulated for their steadfast belief [in failure], but instead replaced by someone who actually sees the game that is being played before them 

The history books will be kind to Southgate, people will point to his consistent record of taking us deep into tournaments, but not since the waistcoat days of England's love-train has there been any kind of buzz about the teams we pick or the way we play. We are less than the sum of our parts, by a considerable margin, and we have seen half a generation slip away in a steaming pile of caution, negativity, and misplaced loyalty. 

We need the kind of mentality shift that Unai Emery has instilled at Villa, telling the players that they are better than this, to believe, to be brave, to improve. We need a manager who will recognise that at a major tournament we really ought select a fit left back, a manager that does his experimenting in the flurry of international games that precede tournaments, rather than in tournaments. And a manager who insists on excellent performance, rather than rewarding poor performance with continued starts.  I think Harry Kane would have responded far better in this tournament if Southgate had said in a presser "Harry should be disappointed with that performance. Great player, but that last game was not good enough, he'll start from the bench next up" - rather than just being wheeled out to go again. And imagine the impact that sort of management has on the squad. Other players playing badly know they can probably get away with it. Other players not getting a look in, know that nothing they do, in training or in their fleeting sub appearances will make the blind bit of difference. Everyone talks up the togetherness in this squad, but I'll bet most of them are right pissed off.

I could write forever. But I think my point is clear. Its been a fun tournament, not a classic, but plenty of good games, especially in the early rounds. I thank you for reading and look forward to an unleashed England squad at the next World Cup. Jose Mourinho anyone... 

Oliver George Arthur Watkins

Semi Final: Netherlands 1-2 England

Finally, some good old fashioned screaming at the telly - in a good way. England showed up tonight, good and proper. The midfield conundrum finally settled, with Foden roaming and a constant menace, Bellingham more shackled to that inside left slot, providing much needed balance (and support for the still woefully out of place Trippier).  

The Arsenal contingent remembered that they are excellent players, and played with the energy they displayed all season. Rice can look very ordinary when he doesn't play with purpose, and he brought that in spades. Saka was bright and had the beating of his man all game.

Shit, even Kane looked relatively ok, though his very style, in my mind, made the defensive job much easier for the Netherlands, with no channel runs and rarely a threat anywhere high up here pitch. 

It didn't look good early on, Simons thunderous strike making me worry the inevitable was going to happen, but then in weighed the suss ref to award England an absolute bonus penalty. Kane recovered from the suspected broken foot he seemed to be simulating, to sweep home the penalty with the same foot, and then what followed was the awakening of actual England. Foden's feet dancing, Saka probing, Rice and Mainoo pressing and recycling. It was lovely.

Fears crept in during the second half. Had Southgate demanded they return to type, or had Koeman's changes just nullified us? Would we even see any subs? As the minutes ticked by, deja vu looked to be knocking at the door. The game was screaming out for Watkins, and yet it was still a massive surprise to see him actually being subbed on. 

What happened next we will see replayed over and over, every four years. An absolute template Watkins goal, the fast diagonal run, the simple first touch to create the angle, the walloped finish to the far post, low, clean and true. Any other Villa fans know that this is what he does. Not just in general, but exactly, systematically, repeatedly.

Now all that remains is the decision about whether we want to carry that threat into the final, or hope that the ref coughs up a chance for our incumbent penalty talisman. Once again it is over to you Southgate.

Believe

A lot has happened in the world of soccerball since my last call for perspective on England’s slow and steady progression through the tournament stages.  A dozen more posts from N’Golo Birchy for a start as he exposes me as the Matt Le Tissier of blogging, cancelled sky subscriptions in 10 Downing Street… and so much more. Like it or not, this “underperforming” England team has hit every green light in town to slowly cruise through to the point of being in the bleeding semi final! Tremendous…more of that later. Here are my other highlights (& lowlights) from the last week or so of tourney action both sides of the pond:

Spain - Let’s face it. The best team in the tournament by a mile. With the most prodigious young talent on the planet. As the owner of a young teenager myself,  I will be happy to just see him in one piece by the time he hits 16, and that would be a successful outcome. Yamal has just scored an absolute worldy in a Euro semi final! Amazing.

France - Amazed they actually scored a goal today and they leave the tournament with nobody all too upset. I do think it was unlucky that Mbappe had his face rearranged in the group stages, he really never got going after the injury and none more so illustrative than today with some trademark chances that the 2021/2022 version would have buried. Au revoir 

Portugal - disappointed that my pick failed to score the one goal that would have been enough to see off the French, thus depriving us of a semi final chant of “you’re way older than his dad!” as Yamal skipped past a weary Pepe for the umpteenth time… sadly it wasn’t to be, not helped by assistant manager Roberto Martinez’ crippling inability to substitute his boss despite an abundance of attacking talent ready to go on the bench. I look forward to a repeat in the World Cup in ‘26 as CR7 continues to amble around, ably supported by the USA Jumbotrons in the stadium so he’s fully aware of when the camera is on his aging body.

Everton alumni association - As well as Bobby Brown Shoes, there has been a good showing at the tournament from Ronald Koeman as the Dutch start to warm up, as well as a few surprise cameos I wasn’t expecting, including Cenk Tosun, not really doing much at all on the field (which felt reassuringly familiar), but outstanding in his gleeful leadership of the celebrations in Turkey’s win in the round of 16, and stateside, finding myself see Salomon Rondon roam with menace against a cowering Canadian defence (he actually did score!), and even more enlightening was seeing a rejuvenated James Rodriguez pull all of the strings for a free scoring Columbia team. 

Copa America - it’s been great to have this running along at the same time as the Euros (but with more convenient start times). The USA bombed out of the tournament at the group stage (the first hosts in a long time to do so). A lot of work is needed ahead of 2026. A slight oddity of this competition is the knockout games go to penalties after 90 mins. 3 out of 4 quarter finals went to pens - providing us with another scrapbook of Emi Martinez gyrations and a Uruguay team that kicked Brazil all over the park before dispatching them from 12 yards. At time of writing, Argentina are in the final, but semi #2 between Uruguay and Columbia promises to be a great game…or a complete street fight with multiple red cards. We will see.

And onto England. Having now seen the change in Birchy’s demeanour with his latest post, this only furthers my excitement and belief. We’re at the business end of the tournament and instead of the fear of not making it through the group stage or an easy last 16, England now get to look forward and see the finish line is only (hopefully) two games away and we start to dream of what we could achieve. Maybe my decades of Everton watching puts me in a different position than most, but if we get this done over the next 2 games, I will not care one bit how expansive our play is. And that is one indisputable fact - this team are getting it done (just), every single game. Be it big players with just a flash of world class quality (Jude and Saka), or 5 of the most proficient penalties in English history proving its not “a lottery”, this just feels slightly different from the glorious failures of the past. 

Of course, it could all go up in a puff of Orange smoke today, the Dutch have shown an improving trend as they’ve progressed…but we have the players that can step up to the challenge and provide those big moments. Heck, we might even get a left back playing left back. I need a lie down…

Over to you Gareth…. Time to dream and time to believe! Just 120 minutes to hold out for penalties!

Intervention

Here we are, seemingly suddenly, at the semi-finals.  It all seems to have come around so fast and yet we are days away from seeing the Kings of Europe crowned.

I have taken some time to cool down after the apoplexy induced by the 120 minutes that preceded our sensational penalties performance, and during that time vowed to reset my mentality. I have done so fully aware that my new, positive outlook might get instantly burned, but anyway.

The root causes of my disgruntlement are twofold. 

One: I detest Southgate, and detest that he is lauded for success during a period where I consider him to have failed badly with such rich talent at his disposal. However, his record is favourable to others who have gone before, and as Guardian Weekly (who also are rabid with disappointment at the whole campaign) pointed out, it's not like previous managers haven't had good players to work with. So I hold my opinion about Southgate, but also respect the alternate view 

Two: I take a very neutral stance during competition football. This is likely because of England's usual failure, I have trained myself to feast on the festival of football and not attach my enjoyment to England's success or otherwise. Typically I support goals in the games I watch (all of them), and I root for the team who is playing the nicest footy and give me the best chance of prolonged enjoyment into the latter stages. England of course haven't fared well in this respect. To the point that I would be lying if I denied I felt at some points (mainly minutes 11-120)of our matches, that I'd prefer our opposition to go through.

Anyway. A few days of only watching AI Southgate has proved perfect therapy. It doesn't matter if he's drivelling his usual political nonsense, or if his computer generated alter ego is calling Harry Kane an immobile c*nt - he's just a bloke who will be gone soon. But the England football team is the England football team and I'm here for them now.

I don't care how we do it, I want us to scratch out the ugliest, most irritating and unfair win possible. We are England, and we will win how we want.

So on that basis, come on France, let's not make it any harder than it needs to be.

Cold is the new bold

QF England 1 - 1 Switzerland (AET) England win on pens 

We trundle on. England exorcise penalty traumas yet more. At some stage we will talk about their good run at shootouts. We have to be proud of the bottle and composure shown at the end there. It is a triumphant sticking plaster though, in yet another game where we palpably saw the energy and effectiveness drain, unchecked, from about the 30 minute mark right through to 120. At the end we were hanging on, even with fresh legs.

We joined the France and Portugal club of accepting the 50/50 of pens in favour of the unknown risk of going for it during 40 minutes of stalemate at the end of the game. Whilst it's a results game, the sheer lack of having had any practice of piling forward, at any point of the tourney, is a habit creating thing. The gear shift is a habit, and a habit we've not formed. As I watch the Netherlands and Turkey now, not knowing who will win, I can be sure that either of these teams will naturally be able to attack us, because they've spent the past 5 games doing just that.

Siuuuu later

QF France 0 - 0 AET (France win on pens)

The Kane effect was in full swing tonight. 120 minutes of watching the outgoing Ronaldo waving his arms, smashing free kicks into the wall, and running about as if his legs really hurt. The loyalty shown by managers to historically good players despite all evidence before them suggesting it is a bad idea, is remarkable.

Whilst Ronaldo was plainly subtracting rather than adding to Portugal's hopes, Pepe was a machine at the back. Playing at 41, to the standard he did, is unreal. I reckon he's got another World Cup in him!

The game was midway between intriguing and dull. France, with Mbappe also mostly ineffective, huffed and puffed and only looked a real threat once the excellent Dembele came on. Portugal held the ball well, but increasingly reminded me of England, with any possession effectively meaningless because of the chasm created up front by having a threatless striker placed there.

It seems nuts to me that teams consider the risk of mounting attacks to be greater than the 50/50 risk of elimination by penalties. But they both embraced that risk and, somewhat predictably, there was a loser.

The law of averages now suggests that England's game might actually be ok, so buckle up and get ready for the Southgate show.

Merino jumper

QF Spain 2 - 1 Germany (AET)

I'd only just got myself settled back into this football thing, and just like that our hosts are out. It has felt like an age since Tuesday (with many stages of Tour De France to catch-up on and the small matter of our seismic general election to wade through) so it's good to be back in front of the big-football-giving- rectangle again.

This game that really could have gone either way, both sides had their periods of dominance, and it was quite open without being wildly exciting. Germany will rue the wastefulness of Havertz, Musiala and Fulkrüg.

It's all getting pretty serious now, and it is definitely showing, with the free flowing football of the group stages seemingly behind us. Imagine if England play MORE conservatively now we're at the business end of the comp (shudder). 

Merino stole the show with a cracking leap and finish at the death, breaking German hearts, setting up a frantic few minutes with Germany throwing everything at it and Spain using any necessary means to stop them.

Not a classic, but the better team through to a semi.

Posch blank

Round of 16: Austria 1 - 2 Turkey 

What a brilliant game of football. Both teams should get some kind of award for completely nailing the spirit of tournament football. Turkey, fluid, energetic and classy for the first 65 mins, Austria patient, determined and so nearly heroic in the last 25.

It was tough to call. Turkey well deserved their two goal lead, but looked somewhat spent, and survived an alamo scenario at the end. Keeper Günok probably with the save of the tournament right on full time.

A real shame that Austria bow out, they've been fabulous, but the tournament isn't tarnished at all by Turkey still being in it. Great anthem, flair players, and fans that are relentless. The booing when Austria had the ball was relentless.

I've a feeling that the matchup of styles just won't suit Turkey Vs Netherlands, but nonetheless it's been a pleasure watching them.

Now to stare into the void again until Friday.

Murphy's Flaw

Round of 16: Romania 0 - 3 Netherlands 

I missed the kickoff (only by a couple of minutes, had a sudden urge to go buy some Stella), so I've no idea whether Hagi's condom-head look was a style choice or the result of an early incident.

Then what I tuned into was Netherlands looking by far the better side, but Romania willing to give things a go. So after a few drab minutes the game bounced along at a nice rate. Gakpo was good, although Danny Murphy was about as fluent at saying "Gakpo" as England's midfield is at playing football. We had "Gakko", "Gapko", "Gappo" but never the guy's actual name. Steve Wilson, the main commentator made a concerted effort to lay down a perfect pronunciation after each fumble Murphy made. Lovely stuff.

They ran out comfortable winners, and again, that is good for the tournament.

Players who impressed? Well their defence is excellent, Gakpo decent and the rest of the line up are willing if not excellent. 

The easy side of the draw is gradually stiffening up. A continuation of Austria's great form would line up a peach of a QF and the guarantee of a tough prospect for England in a semi, should they make it past Switzerland. I have a funny hunch though, that we might see good Turkey again tonight. 

The sands of time

Round of 16: Portugal 0 - 0 Slovenia (Portugal win 3-0 on pens)

A largely disappointing first hour of the game turned slowly into an absolute classic. As soon as Slovenia got a sniff of it being on, they morphed, wonderfully, into Shithouse FC and I'm absolutely here for that kind of stuff.

Banks of four. Heroic defending. A majestic keeping display from Oblak. Ronaldo demanding all set pieces and (still, after all these years) wazzing them over the bar. 

And yet, despite Portugal's dominance, Slovenia started to threaten. Their finishing was woeful, a function of being unpracticed and unused in the tourney this far. This was to recur horribly in the shootout but not before we saw the sands of time catching up with both Pepe and Ronaldo. Pepe had his very own Gerrard moment, as his legs and brain had a disagreement about what 41 year old men are capable of doing, running wise, two hours into a match. Slovenia's finishing let him off the hook. Ronaldo had an existential after seeing Oblak saving his earlier pen. Both players have more viable alternatives on the bench, but Martinez is afflicted with the same loyalty/cowardice (delete as per your preference) as Southgate, preferring the misty image of what once was, to the cold reality of what is actually happening.

A satisfying match, and the right result. This side of the draw is going to keep on giving.

Jan VertOGen

Round of 16: France 1 - 0 Belgium 

Belgium are the new England. A team full of stars, on paper a real contender, but on the pitch just not quite doing it. With my Villa bias I was surprised that Tielemans was benched, they missed his incisive passing this afternoon. Doku ran about and threatened to look threatening, without ever actually really being threatening. Lukaku toiled away again, De Bruyne only had flashes.

France spent the match just wazzing shot after shot high or wide. Even their winner was headed well wide, before Vertongen cemented OG as the most likely golden boot winner. Cruel luck in the moment, but France were far better overall. Kante in particular is looking absolutely great. Tight control, bags of energy and uses the ball really well.

I'd hoped it would be a classic, but not so. Never mind, only an hour til the next one!

Bye Georgia

Round of 16: Spain 4 - 1 Georgia

I clean forgot to post about this match last night. I was just enjoying an entertaining  game of football. We've been lucky in the last couple of games to be able to bounce directly from the numbness of an England match right into something more fun 

And this one was a cracker. Spain are simply sumptuous and will take some stopping. That said, Georgia gave them a fright and seem to have approached the competition in exactly the right way. Enjoy it, play your best football, be fearless, excel. They will be missed for sure. 

They were never going to hold onto that lead, such was the Spanish dominance, but rather than resort to damage limitation, they kept trying, kept breaking menacingly and basically made a right good night of it.

In Rodri, Spain just have the complete player. He is a DM who has perfect passing range and an eye for goal. And he's a big lad too. An absolute dream to have him in your side. 

Surely whoever wins the plate competition on England's side of the draw can look forward to an absolute pumping in the final against this lot. Or is the smart play to do what Southgate is doing, and reserve all evidence of actual football until the business end of the tournament? Time will tell.

Next up is this corking tie between France and Belgium. My money is on Lukaku to finally catch those breaks. Should be a good one.

Rinse and repeat

I'll confess it. After watching 85 minutes of that, I wanted us to lose. When Rice took the ball and inadvertently rounded Pickford, I daydreamed of him just smashing it into his own goal, making the aeroplane arms and running straight down the tunnel and onto the first EasyJet. Absolute dogshit. I know I should be better, cheer on the three lions and all that, but I just don't want us to do it like this.

We  (/Southgate) are (/is) so lucky we have a player of the calibre of Bellingham, because nothing (from the limited pot of things tried) was going to work tonight.

We all spent the second half looking at the bench, expecting action, but only seeing the perfectly pressed zipper top, clad by it's paralysis-personified-politics-puppet.

Once we'd grabbed the last gasp equaliser, there was of course only going to be one winner. Momentum is a real thing. But even then, we did give them a shout, with defensive minded substitutions, to really hammer home the smash-and-grab vibe that we are rocking.

And so on we go. Wait to hear about how all the subs have tired themselves out, and haven't had many minutes in their legs lately, and thus we must go unchanged into the Switzerland game. Maybe it's coming home, but it's reeking of piss and has got kebab meat all down it's zipper top.

End of Danes

Round of 16: Germany 2 - 0 Denmark

This game was like an advanced refereeing course. Michael Oliver and his crew were presented with the full gamut of scenarios throughout the evening, including how to deal with the apocalypse.

Whilst I was lamenting the handball decision that killed off Denmark's second half momentum, it's hard to argue at all with the result. Germany spent the first and last quarters of the match running through the Danes and could have scored a hatful. Denmark were slow to start, rallied briefly, but just didn't have much threat going forward.

They are a strange team, Germany. In large parts, they look excellent. Two physical centre halves, decent full backs, supreme tidiness in Kimmich and Kroos and the pace and flair of Musiala and Sane. They've got it all, but they also seem to lose momentum and have fragile periods in games. I don't expect Spain to pass up the chance to capitalise on this, if they beat Georgia and face Germany in the quarters.

Off to sleep now, I need to steel myself for the Southgate show tomorrow.

 

Xhaka can

Round of 16: Switzerland 2 - 0 Italy

This was set to be a good matchup. Switzerland had been impressive until this point, and Italy had been stumbling after looking very sharp in group game one. But only one of the teams showed up this afternoon, Italy looking like they'd had something put into their coffee, completely out of sorts.

They missed Califiore, a Pau Torres like influence in their defense, starting all the moves and making up an extra man in midfield once in possession. But this wasn't a case of missing a player or two, the whole team (Donnarumma aside) looked absent, off it, defeated from the outset.

Credit to the Swiss (that was so, so nearly the  blog title). They dominated the ball and looked utterly at ease, scoring two smart goals and posing the much greater threat. Vargas was a constant menace, Xhaka was everywhere. They are, and I don't mean this critically, a product of the homogenisation of international football. Slowly, each teams national identity is waning, as more and more players are facing each other at top clubs week in week out. So where the Swiss used to be workmanlike and uninspiring, they now have top pros who get it done on a regular basis, and it shows.

So England or Slovakia will play for the right to face the Swiss in the QF, a prospect that normally speaking would be a dream ticket to the semi. Let us see.

Perspective

 With the frequency of a Gareth Southgate attacking substitution, I make a dramatic return to the biennial blog tradition of old, rolling back the years Modric style! (Dovidenja Luca!)

Today marks the first round of games of the last 16, and with only 8 teams dropping out from the group stage allowing for the ability to qualify without winning a group stage game (I’m looking at you Slovenia), it feels like the tournament is just getting started. As I start to look forward, let’s also look back at the highlights so far:

Spain - hands down the best team in the tournament so far. Fluid, exciting on the wings, yet still with Morata up front. It’s like centre forward is Spain’s left back position, only that Alvaro claims to be a “specialist”. Like any strong team that look world beaters in the group stage, ultimate failure awaits. Morata sitter missed and defeat in the quarter final awaits.

Germany - At the end of the day, they’ve beaten Scotland and Hungary. Denmark will be a challenging and organised opponent. But in Musiala, they have a player who could define this tournament. It might need extra time, or even pens, but they will squeak through today and beat Spain in the quarters.

Rubbish teams heading to the semis - It’s here that time is my friend. Watching Birchy’s impressive Kante like levels of production on the blog has been nothing short of tremendous. And all of his snap reactions have been precisely on point. But with the benefit of taking a deep breath, I don’t have to call this section “England”, although they are a very prominent member! More on the 3 Lions later, but this club also includes an underwhelming but supremely talented France, a “not sure what we’ll do today” Belgium (and even if they did play well, Lukaku has somehow been cursed by the ghost of Stockley Park and the first human victim of AI taking over the world as every goal is denied), and an Italy team that appears well organised but somewhat limited. Not all of these teams will feature deep in the tournament, (Exhibit A: France v Belgium in this round) but you just know a subset will without doubt.

My pick for tourney winners - Portugal. They look good and balanced, will be well rested after topping the group after 2 games. And you know there’s some kind of Ronaldo narrative to play out. 

Delights - Brilliant goals, Austria topping the group, Georgia qualifying for the tournament itself via an a slightly ajar back door and making it to the last 16, Romania game 1 overwhelming Ukraine, Fans - it seems that almost every team has a fantastic following and that seats have been given to actual fans versus corporations.

Frights - Scotland. Awful first game, and while able to yell injustice in their final game, only managed their first shot on target in the last minute when needing to win. Limited. Hot on the heels of winning the champions league, the Everton manager alumni society now has two teams in the last 16. Even more frightening, I just predicted above that one of them will win the thing! Phenomenal. Daniel Sturridge- this will appear an unusual pick, but here in the USofA we have been “treated” to the analytical punditry of DS alongside Alexi Lalas ranting uncontrollably at anything that moves and Georgio Chiellini. The latter’s only quality insight so far was to smugly say “ will England change and play more attacking in the next game? Under this manager? No”. He knows.

England - which leaves me with the Southgate conundrum. Yes, he’s conservative and safety first. Yes, he should be getting more out of the players, but I don’t think we should be at the throwing beer cups stage just yet. He’s not the first manager to struggle with two similar players positionally (see Gerard, Lampard & Scholes), he’s not the first to struggle with an ageing striker that starts to affect how the team plays and  he’s not the first to underwhelm in the group stage. Perspective is needed. We’ve won the group, we apparently won the draw for what feels like the 3rd tournament in a row, and in the last game against a team determined to defend all game, we saw Gareth start to turn to players who will make the difference. Sure, the Gallagher experiment to replace the Trent experiment could have been dealt with in the qualifiers, but it’s done now and Mainoo is sure to start and Cole Palmer has to feature strongly. Energy may return. Lastly, there were concerns over the defence and we’ve been rock solid so far with Guehli our best player.

And with that, we move forward with hope. We’re in control of what happens next, and have the tools to fix this. And if Gaz is allowing Anthony Gordon to ride his electric bike without stablisers, maybe this is the first sign that the shackles are coming off…..

Permutations

Group F finale

Georgia 2 - 0 Portugal

Czech Republic 1 - 2 Turkey 

Two very entertaining games tonight, and for the first time in these finales I had to make a big screen switch mid game. This was mainly because of the emerging last 16 permutation situation.

With the Czech Republic down one down and down to 10 men Vs Turkey, I assumed that one was done, so instead flipped across to the Portugal game, assuming they'd be all over Georgia in attempts to overcome their 1-0 deficit. How wrong I was, as Georgia weaved and battled their way to a glorious victory.

And as the games progressed it became clear that England weren't predestined to play v Netherlands at all, but in fact both results on the night were pushing Slovakia in our direction. The format of the competition is an absolute disaster, clarity wise, with nobody knowing in real time what was what. I missed a good chunk of the second half whilst frantically googling for clarification, finally finding the most ridiculous check sheet that outlined the wild combination of permutations that could unfold. 

The final group games are exciting typically because of jeopardy, and this current format denies us the jeopardy twice. First because hardly anyone gets knocked out, and second because half the excitement is usually "if X score a goal here, then we play vs Y in the next round". When nobody knows, it's harder to care about what's happening.

But, the groups are done, and it's been a cracking tournament so far. I will find some other aspect of life to do for a couple of days and be back, raring to go for the last 16, at the weekend.

Brinkmanship

Group E finale

Ukraine 0 - 0 Belgium

Slovakia 1 - 1 Romania

A strangely undramatic yet incredibly tight group finale this one. Both games were ok, and had a few chances but it was somehow subdued. All four teams kind of seemed ok with the draws they were getting. Ukraine of course were in most peril, and played actually really well, but even something about them suggested that they were kind of hoping for a winner in the other game that would have seen them through with a draw.

My match of choice was the Belgium one, and I spent a good part of it purring at the combination of Tielemans, Onana and De Bruyne in their midfield, before realising that they had looked great without creating anything fully decisive. It does feel as though they will click though, potentially at great cost to someone soon. That someone of course is France, in what is surely the pick of the last 16.

Ukraine had been improving, but in truth deserved to be knocked out from that group, as the others all offer something extra.

The group F games are happening now, and it seems that unless Georgia go crazy, it will mean England play Netherlands and our defence will get an examination. 

I've been teaching my kids to ride bikes the last few days and found myself comparing my own teaching / mentoring approach to Southgate. Initially I was demanding caution and safety above all else, and what I got in return was nervous, unconfident, frustrated efforts in return. As I slowly released the shackles and gave the kids more responsibility, they thrived and absolutely smashed it. They are proud of their achievements and are loving the process. It's hard to let the shackles off, but I can confirm that it works. Your move, Gareth. 

The definition of madness

Group C 'finale'

England 0 - 0 Slovenia

Denmark 0 - 0 Serbia

I don't think I have many words. We did the same thing with the same people, and the same thing happened. A stultifyingly boring and abject performance again from a team bereft of energy, pace, patterns or plan.

We now look forward to political straplines about "tough opposition", "topping the group", "not conceding" and so forth. Literally the only positivity gleaned from all of this is that we have proven that Tripper at left back, Arnold or Gallagher in CM and Foden and Bellingham playing on top of each other doesn't work. Likewise that Kane in this system actually limits us. 

Now it is over to Gareth and whether he can act on the glaring evidence before him, because the games only get harder now.

I'd have switched over to the other game, but for the fact that it was also a stalemate, though we left ourselves a single kick of a ball away from a tie with Germany and the prospect of Spain and France in future rounds. 

Lucky boy Southgate...now swallow that pride and sort it out.

I don't know what this means

Group D finale 

Netherlands 2 - 3 Austria

France 1 - 0 Poland

What an exciting afternoon of football that was. I expected France and Netherlands to comfortably win their respective matches with goal difference determining the Group winners, but the early [banger] of an own goal put Austria into a surprise lead out a different slant in things. This one was my game of choice as I expected it'd be tighter.

Then ensued 35 minutes of relative tedium before all hell broke loose in the second half.

Poland looked to be causing some threat. Netherlands equalised, went behind, equalised again, then went behind AGAIN. All of this happened during the time it took Lewandowski to take the run up for his penalty which put Poland level with France.

Frantic scanning of live tables and we ended up with the (in my mind) impressive Netherlands in 3rd place in the group, and, I am sad to admit it, I have no idea what that means. I'm assuming that some poor group winner will be matched up against them, but am not even sure that is true. I've still yet to properly work out what is going on, I think because of some kind of "Team # from group x plays the best placed 3rd place team out of groups y or z" which basically makes me want to stab a fork into my eyes.  It's actually a shame to see highly consequential goals going in, but having no idea what it means for the tournament.

But, huge kudos to Austria, Rangnick has done an incredible job there. A banging performance and deserved result.

England up next, I'm fully expecting a better performance and for our nation to immediately flip into "it's coming home" mode.

Zaccagni & Fratesi

Group B Finale

Albania 0 - 1 Spain

Croatia 1 - 1 Italy

Well I'd be lying if I said I didn't have to rewrite this post. I was into my second paragraph of praising the Croats for their wily experience, and knowing exactly how to manage tournaments when THAT happened. Italy earned themselves a very tasty tie with the improving Switzerland with an absolute peach of a goal at the death. Deserved, on balance, but I really thought Croatia had done enough.

This one was my match choice, with the other game always likely to be a dead rubber, although multiscreen suggested that Albania gave it a really good go. They've been unlucky to be drawn in this group, for sure.

The first half of the Croatia v Italy game was pretty eventless, but I had no regrets, it was always going to be a slow builder. The second half came to life, with both teams threatening more. Croatia looked eager, but once ahead went into yellow card accumulation mode, something I'd have applauded had it come off. They face a nervous but most likely futile wait now to see if they qualify. In the unlikely event they do, pity whomever they play.

Tomorrow is the much awaited return to multiple games and timeslots, I have missed it!

Pray for Varga

Group A finale 

Scotland 0-1 Hungary

Switzerland 1-1 Germany 

(* I should precede this post by saying I hope so much that Varga is ok. I was hoping that the sight of sheets around an injured player was a one off last time around. There is no more stark reminder of how unimportant footy is,  than when a player gets seriously injured, and the bubble of escapism that footy provides is burst so suddenly).

Here we are at the group deciders. It's come around quick. Usual conundrum about match choice. Switzerland v Germany always likely to be the better footballing spectacle, but Scotland v Hungary the one with the tension and jeopardy. The latter got my vote, with our central European friends tucked away on my tablet for half an eye to be kept on.

Both games turned out to be very dramatic. Scotland and Hungary played cat and mouse for 60 minutes before a potentially tragic and absolutely wild finale had me shouting at the telly.

Germany grabbed themselves a 92nd minute equaliser that the stats show they deserved, although from my second screen glimpses, it looked like the Swiss were doing a proper job on them.

Ultimately, Group A finishes up as you'd have expected pre tournament. Hungary wait on the medics mainly, but on other results to determine their plight.

Golden protractor

Belgium 2 - 0 Romania

What does poor Romelu need to do? This pulsating game saw him draw a blank once again, he's racked up 3 disallowed goals so far, 2 games into the tourney. Belgium were imperious, with Tielemans and De Bruyne absolutely pulling the strings in their midfield.

Lukaku looked very lively to be fair, assisting for Tielemans crisp early strike and tucking away his disallowed goal very neatly. He had quite a few other efforts and looked a menace. 

Despite Belgium's dominance though, Romania never looked out of it. They are so fast on the break and gutsy in how they play (Jenas would surmise 'they need that bit of quality'). Group E is going to have a great finale, with all four teams on 3 points. Clear your diaries on Wednesday at 5pm UK.

I really enjoyed this one. Tomorrow Group A wraps up and I have to work out what the hell to do with my life between 2pm and 8pm...

Turkish oh shite

Turkey 0 - 3 Portugal

After the rousing anthems this one turned out to be a bit of a non-event. Turkey have a tendency to blow hot and cold, and whilst they showed quite a few glimpses of the high energy and fast breaks that earned them the win v Georgia, they were very much second best.

It ended as a contest after the calamitous own goal that put Portugal 2-0 up. There was so little danger, that ITV had cut away (they will blame local broadcast production, but I won't believe them), so we only knew by the sound. 

I spent the second half performing a balancing act, trying to watch on a tablet in the garden, at the periphery of WiFi reach, whilst the lowering sun required me to inch further and further away from the house to catch those rays. A tactical balancing act of my own, playing out in the midst of this competition.

Portugal won at a canter. Ronaldo, whilst getting an assist, did not a fat lot. The selfie with a child pitch invader (unnerving) was probably his highlight. I think they'd be even more of a threat with Jota in their team. Pepe at 41 played with more energy than the tired England starting XI. The Czech Republic will be licking their lips.

Next up, Belgium v Romania, could be a cracker!

Schick or bust

Georgia 1 - 1 Czech Republic 

Another breathtaking encounter involving Georgia. The game started at breakneck pace with both teams fully aware that this was their best chance of getting the points needed for qualification from Group F.

Chances at both ends, Georgia so comfortable sweeping forward with the ball at their feet, the Czechs more drilled and dangerous from crosses.

As the game went on, Georgia looked increasingly spent, Schick equalising their penalty opener and the Czechs took almost total control towards the end. Even the ref was getting excited, with a blaze of yellow cards towards the end, including one seemingly for "coming on as a sub" which seemed a little harsh.

The draw sees both teams still alive and so a fun conclusion to Group F.

I did a bit of thinking about Georgia's approach. Southgate fans would point to it as nativity and bad game/tournament management, to do all that trying hard stuff rather than sitting back and preserving energy. Now I know Georgia and England are occupying totally different contexts, but surely the aim for such a tournament is broadly the same for all teams. Give the best account of yourself, bring joy, have a go.

Kudos to Georgia, they've brought me far more joy than our sleeping lions.

'Quality'

Netherlands 0 - 0 France

Our first scoreless draw of the competition,  but in my mind quite an enjoyable one. If you listened to Jermaine Jenas though, you'd think it was the worst game played in history.  He solidified my opinion that all commentators should be given a limited ration for the use of the word "quality", as it's really starting to do my nut in. 

Where it started as an occasional sprinkle on top of actual commentary (e.g after 60 minutes of constantly describing good things that De Bruyne does, drop in that he is "just quality"), it has now become a lazy catch-all word used instead of actual description ("they need some quality from this corner", "he's got such quality", "what this team needs now is some quality", "that pass had such quality on it").

What do you even actually mean? Jenas got himself into a real pickle, mistaking the Netherlands very clear strategy (of defend solidly and use their searing pace of Frimpong, Depay and Gakpo) to cause danger on the break, for a negative low block.

Tactically it was a really well executed game plan. France too have an exciting front line, made better imo for having (the 'quality' of) Griezeman as part of it. Both teams I thought played well in a pretty furious match, and we're unlucky not to score.

For Netherlands it's just a matter of if and when the goals start to come. They've plenty of threat going forward and a pretty solid base in defence and midfield. France, with Kante looking very impressive in midfield also have what it takes to go deep in the comp.

The draw suited both teams, guaranteeing qualification (at Poland's expense) and the last games will be a shootout for goals to win the group.

I'm off to spend some quality time with my kids this morning before a quality trio of games later on. Have a quality weekend. Show quality in everything you do. Quality.

Pulling up trees

Poland 1 - 3 Austria

(I was super close to using "Posch Blank" as the post title, after he was denied a glorious goal late on)

I did Austria a disservice in my last post, claiming this was a game I had little hope for. I'd forgotten if course that Rangnick's team were one of the most slick and entertaining of the first set of games. This memory had evaded me in amongst Mbappe's nose explosion and Frances win. It seems that the only really shocking games are reserved for those involving England.

Poland again cracked out a very loud and emotional anthem, which got me doing some research about it. I could sense a certain passion about it that warrants knowing more. "Poland is not yet lost" is the main vibe, a nod to the fact that national identity will live on regardless of borders being redrawn and politics. You can definitely feel the resolve of a nation when it is sung.

The game here was pretty lively, both teams giving a decent showing. Lewandowski made an appearance, coming on as a sub and demonstrating his eagerness with a yellow card about 2 min later. I think the fact that Netherlands and France are in the group saw both teams gunning hard for the win. Most likely they'll be scrapping it out for a 3rd place and 3 points nailbiter slot. 

Austria came out on top, stretching into a lead after an otherwise tight first hour. Baumgartner (translated tree gardener) scoring a good second before Arnautovic slotted the first penalty of the tourney for the third.

Austria are playing well enough to entertain a chance vs Netherlands in their final game.

Easy to forget Ralf Rangnick's short/non spell at Man United. I wonder whether in another reality he might have stayed and got them playing like this?

Memories of Berbatov

Slovakia 1 - 2 Ukraine

Group E is shaping up to be an interesting one. At half time, with Slovakia leading I felt like there was a strong chance that Belgium might finish in 3rd place and thus potentially be a banana skin in the making for whomever draws them in the round of 16. 

I've been down that rabbit hole and it all seems undetermined, with the fixtures listing "Winner of Group B v 3rd from Group A/D/E/F". Oddly, the winner of Group F only has a pot of 3 potential opponents, 3rd place from A/B/C. How this gets narrowed down I have no idea? Draw? Predetermined by some magic formula? Drop a comment if you actually know! One thing is for sure (and I know this after following a Europa Conference League campaign), is that UEFA love a bit of complexity in a draw.

The second half saw Ukraine rally and their second for the winner was a lovely piece of Berbatov style control. We wait for tomorrow night to find out what happens between Belgium and Romania, could be a cracker that one. On paper, we're very likely to see all teams on 3 points going into their final games.

Right, I need to steel myself for the Poland v Austria match, hopefully it will surprise me, but I'm not expecting much...

Sweet relief

Spain 1 - 0 Italy

Like a vaccine to the football infection we'd witnessed before, Spain and Italy reminded us that football is still alive. 

Spain looked imperious and Italy, whilst outplayed, showed that you can at least look interested and energetic whilst being dominated. Misleading that the game was settled by yet another own goal, Spain created plenty and only a touch of luck and some sharp goalkeeping from Donnarumma kept things close. Pedri and Rodri were just majestic, Williams a constant threat, Yamal just ridiculously talented and confident at age 16.

There's literally light years between that performance and the snuff movie that was England earlier.

Italy hung on in there, got physical and rallied late. Their plight could be interesting as a final group game against Croatia is exactly what they do not need right now, and if Spain wanted to troll them, they could make 11 changes for their last game Vs Albania. Definitely worth keeping an eye on both the group game closers there.

Onto tomorrow, what do we have...oh a slow burner kind of day. Ukraine will need to liven up Vs Slovakia, Poland can be a tough watch and a matchup with Austria isn't thrilling, but Netherlands and France is a belter. I'm here for it.

Management

Denmark 1 - 1 England

Aston Villa under St$phen G$rrard were absolutely garbage. The same players under Unai Emery were sensational. 

Why?

Because they now had a good coach, with a clear vision, a method, a system, balance and the passion to build towards something better.

Management is key.

England have built an era of politicians football. It's all been about optics over substance. The smart waistcoat, appearing 'more together', being risk averse at every step to avoid retribution.

I'm genuinely sick of the Southgate era. We are top of our group, and who knows we could go on and somehow win this tournament, but it would feel hollow, lucky, undeserved.

The problems didn't start here in Germany. They have existed all along. A reluctance to try the new players is a facet of Southgate's reign.  Pissing about for years with MacGuire, Henderson and Phillips, and guess what, there's now no rhythm between our centre backs and midfield. 

Apparently there are no left footed English players in existence, so we have sacrificed any purpose or rhythm down one half of the pitch. We have a centre forward who occupies the #10 space, so let's select two other #10s to work that exact same space with him. 

It's awful. Hopefully bad enough to get the press all over Southgate to the point he folds and takes the path of least resistance (as he always does) and changes things. When Grealish was in his pomp, Southgate's reflex was to omit him, only when the press really pushed did he capitulate. 

So now, all my hopes are strangely pinned on the UK media to dig us out of this [shit] hole.

Phwoar draw

Slovenia 1 - 1 Serbia

I didn't show full concentration to the early game today. It was a pretty drab affair, though brightened by the late late Serbian equaliser. Proper keeper up last gasp stuff.

The result means that if England fail to win then I think positions 1-4 would all be up for grabs for all teams in the group. That would be such an England scenario to be in at the tournament where it is literally harder to not qualify than it is to qualify.

I'm settled now for the Bellingham show, after rage watering the garden at the unchanged team. I do feel conflicted. Playing the team into form makes some sense, except for the fact that (a) this process should have happened during the past 2 years and (b) we have absolute quality and players who are specialists in their positions on the bench, whilst others struggle out of position on the pitch.

Come on England.

Total skill Laçi

Croatia 2 - 2 Albania

So a delayed word about Croatia v Albania, a chaotic and open affair which went this way and that. Laçi with a fine headed opener and Albania continued to threaten despite not having a lot of the ball.

When yet another own goal went in (are we up to 7 now in the tourney?) Albania looked buried but their 95th minute equaliser gives them a sniff. What looks most likely of course is that they will become the makeweights for some other 3rd place team to make it through, potentially with as little as 2 points to their name. 

What we have guaranteed is that all the remaining games in Group B will be excellent. Spain v Italy is an absolute stonker, and perfect antidote to the (possible) Southgate-sedative tomorrow, and then of course the final games where Croatia and Albania will be going full nuts out Vs Italy and Spain respectively on Monday. 

Lovely.

Power Cube

Scotland 1 - 1 Switzerland 

Oh , it isn't a European Championship without our diminutive square man Shaqiri. He brought life to an otherwise tense and low quality encounter. Scotland's passing is not on a par with any of the other teams in this tournament. I was asked before the game who I wanted to win. My reflex was "Scotland of course", but after a few moments of reflection, I confessed that the joy I get from watching is usually gained from the football I see on display, and for that reason, the Swiss are a far better investment for the next round. I mean Breel Embolo or Che Adams ffs?!?

Scotland's opener was well worked, but basically from their only incisive passage of play. The equaliser came about from some of their woeful passing, Shaqiri curling an absolute beauty into the top corner. I'm waiting with baited breath to see the newfangled revolution stats on that hit - a Golden Boomerang ™️  award surely awaits.

The game looked like it was going to peeter (is that how you spell it, I think the first time in my life I've written it) out, but Scotland found great energy in the final 30, and pressed well. Switzerland looked to have done some maths and worked out that a draw would see them through, and largely stopped trying. It sets up a big final match for the Scots in a few days.

Ding ding round two

Germany 2 - 0 Hungary

I'm posting out of sequence today. A combination of an all day training course, coupled with my new "all streaming" content set-up meant I had no access to the live game at 2pm, nor could access a recorded version. As is tradition, I will watch it, just as soon as I am done with the other two games.

The final whistle has just blown on what will look like a routine victory for Germany Vs Hungary. The game itself told a different story with a raft of nearly moments for Hungary. They didn't get the roll of the ball, but I think exposed weaknesses in the German line up that others will surely exploit later.

Musiala scored again, following a bit of luck and sharp reactions from Güngogan, before Gundy sealed it with a goal of his own. We were graced again by the mighty presence of Martin Ádám, hopefully he will get a longer appearance in match 3 Vs the Scots.

I'm looking forward to Scotland's big game now. On this afternoon's showing, I think match 3 Vs Hungary is going to be tough for them, so a result Vs Switzerland is going to be absolutely critical. Sad to say though, I don't think we will see it, the Swiss were good in match one. 

Stanëk the place out

Portugal 2 - 1 Czech Republic

Not a classic tonight. Portugal controlled the game for the majority of the match, but without looking too dangerous. Silva has a bout of the Fodens, Ronaldo was starting to look his age and the Czechs were fairly disciplined if unadventurous. 

But as the game developed and the rain fell, things got more interesting. The Czechs took the lead with another cracker of a goal, before letting the lead slip when keeper Stanëk did a shit parry, where a catch would have been fine, onto his own defender and into the net.

Portugal grabbed a late winner thanks to sub Netos pace and pass, exactly what they'd been missing all night.

Special mention for Fernandes, who played well all night, pulling the strings. It was approaching being a likeable performance until he did that irritating disbelief / pleading thing after the ref gave a free kick against him for kicking an opponent in the face. Ruined it, son.

That's round one of games all done. Portugal don't join my group of favourites which stands at Germany, Italy, Spain and France.

Some cracking goals and really good games in this first set of fixtures. Also a massive shout out to the refs who have been excellent and VAR which has proved that it can be instantaneous and correct. Hopefully the EPL will take note, surely they can afford a few microchips.

The truth is out there

Turkey 3 - 1 Georgia 

This match, and equivalent ones from years gone by, are the reason that I love watching tournament football. On paper, it looks for all the world like one to miss. But these ones rarely are.

As the anthems blared out, the Turkish fans drowned the stadium with a noise you could only imagine for a Galatasaray 'Welcome to Hell' style clash with Manchester United. Such passion. It left me wondering what beef the Turks have with Georgia. One Google maps visit later and I'm reminded that they border each other, so it's a local derby. Further searches reveal that the Ottomans and Georgia had a bit of rough and tumble in their time, most recently in the Battle of Batumi (1921) where Georgia tried to remove the Turkish Army from their land.

And so to proceedings tonight. A rampant Turkish start, culminating in a Müldür howitzer. They thumped one against the inside of the post and were a boot offside denying them a second. For all the world it looked like they'd romp it. And then came Georgia. They slowed the pace a bit, built their own rhythm and got back into the game. I love that I'd heard of literally NONE of their players. Yet they played as if they belonged. 

The second half was equally as wild. Arda Guler scored a brilliant winner, but Georgia hit bar and then post in the dying seconds before conceding a third on the break whilst their keeper had advanced for a last ditch corner.

The last two days have really shown the beauty of this competition, and without it's expanded format we may not have seen tonight's match. Something about teams playing with hope rather than expectation frees them from pressure and shackles and makes the football intense and entertaining.

Now onto the Ronaldo show...

Clatch of Mbappe

Austria 0 - 1 France

I spy, with my little eye, a guy who is going to have a nose the size of Dusseldorf tomorrow. Ow ow ow.

Superb game. Austria were superb. High intensity, slick passing, total aggression. They will be devastated not to get a result from that game and I just hope they can retain that energy as they are a team I want to see more of.

France look tasty too. Direct, fast and clearly have a heap of goal in them. I definitely wouldn't fancy being Poland right now, that's for sure.

Despite Austria's great efforts, they could still have lost by more, their backline taking yellow cards on rotation, such was the danger presented by Mbappe, Dembele and Thuram. What a front three that is - although don't be surprised to see more of Giroud whilst Kylian's face heals. 

Speaking of Giroud, if you put Griesman's hair atop Giroud's face, then you have a perfect David Hasselhoff replica, a thought that distracted me greatly during that frantic last ten minutes.

Tomorrow, to finish round one of games we get to see Turkey v Georgia, and Portugal v Czech Republic. By all accounts Portugal are very good right now, so will be interesting to see whether they join my list of likelies which so far includes Germany, Italy, Spain and France.

Romelu YouCantDo

Belgium 0 - 1 Slovakia

What a belter if a match that one was. Belgium are like England's twin team, littered with class players and yet somehow always able to seek out disappointment from promise.

They do it in a very different way to England though, there's lots of flair and chance creation, but at the other end, by selecting Faes, they bring their own brand of chaos to the defensive third. 

It was an early goal and snickometer that did for them tonight though, in a really pulsating game. Slovakia were great fun, slick passing and direct in their approach, and beautifully unafraid to shithouse the life out of the game once the 60 minute mark came around.

In fairness, Lukaku was super unlucky, being fractionally offside for one goal and then having his (theoretical) second ruled out for a brush of handball by Openda in the buildup.

So there we have it, a shock. Belgium could still conceivably top their group and it will be a lot of fun seeing them go even more attacking in their attempts to do so.

Thank you Stanciu

Romania 3 - 0 Ukraine

A game that many, I expect, are likely to have missed. But thanks to a dose of sinusitis, I got to enjoy it all.

The game has been fun, scrappy and hectic to begin with, but Romania made it good fun, with a gung-ho attitude and real energy. 

For a short while I wondered if Mudrik would turn on the style, perhaps less erratic in his national colours, but more and more his transfer value is looking hyper-inflated.

Romania's Stancu scored a contender for goal of the tournament, nothing like an absolute thunder bastard to liven up proceedings. Two further goals followed and Romania absolutely deserved the win and the three points. If England could have mustered even half of the intensity and urgency they showed, then last night's snorefest would have been different.

Group D remains open though.

What's up next. Ooh. Belgium v Slovakia.

Kane unable

Serbia 0 - 1 England

So England delivered (the tedium and fan violence that the competition had been so sorely missing until this point)

After a promising start and clattering header from Bellingham, England slowly but surely retreated into their Southgate-clad shell, eventually scraping the win. Pundits busily drawing comparisons with the great teams that build their way into tournaments. This could theoretically happen of course, we have the players to make it so, but the power of one man to make substitutions could severely affect that likelihood.

In a game where both Kane and Foden needed urgently hooking, and where pace and directness up front were yielding results, our great zippered leader chose instead to hook Saka and Bellingham (our only two threats) and augment midfield-dwelling Kane with multiple other midfielders.

A tough watch. I could do another paragraph about playing a fading right back as a left back (a fortnight after having 26 choices available) but I just can't.

Look who's back

Slovenia 1 - 1 Denmark

3 years ago I was on the tournament grind, watching Denmark v Finland on my mobile in the local boozer. I remember the feeling of absolute doom as Christian Eriksen lay motionless, face down on the turf after his cardiac arrest. Any kind of mass public event felt like it was naughty back then (insert 'apart from if you are a Tory' gags here). 

Anyway, obviously I'd kind of forgotten that all that happened until I saw the team-sheets today, and despite him having played a lot of football between then and now, I found myself surprised and amazed that he was lining up for the Danes tonight. Alongside a very capable set of team mates too. I found myself interested also, to see how Hojland performed, without being surrounded by the Man United circus.

And so to the game. Eriksen scores, a lovely moment and big personal redemption for him, I expect. The game is pretty messy, fun in parts, but largely forgettable. Denmark are better, Slovenia offer not much really but claw their way back into it with a late equaliser. The point probably opens up Group C and ensures and interesting match day 3 for sure.

[☝️This paragraph was completely re-written during the final 10mins]

Quick bath, some more paracetamol (suffering a chest infection which is making the football all the more welcome as I'm not capable of much else) and onto England. From nowhere I'm now feeling wildly confident. I saw our predicted line-up (and just now the actual team sheet) and it's really impressive, capable of doing some real damage, if only they can ignore the Southgate soul-drain and find the intensity that tournament winners need.

All about Wout

Poland 1 - 2 Netherlands

I went into this game, fully cognisant that normally the only tougher watch in tournament football than Poland, is Poland without Lewandowski.

Luckily they were up against the Dutch, a team I've been fond of watching ever since Gullit and Van Basten rocked my world way back when. I have particular interest in the current team as Dumfries, Maatsen and Frimpong have all been loosely linked to Villa transfers, so a good chance to see them in action.

Poland took the lead, as was inevitable after my first paragraph (written before k.o.) and Gakpo grabbed a deserved equaliser after the Netherlands responded well. Following this, the game seemed to fall into a pattern of the Dutch attacking, one of Simons or Depay wazzing it wide, then the BBC cutting to a bloke wearing an orange jumpsuit. 

This holding pattern continued for the majority of the match, until Koeman, inspired I think by the Hungarian's use of of Martin Ádám the other day, made things simpler, bringing on big man Wout Weghorst for the final stages. Bosh, goal, no fannying about, job done. 2-1.

And so onto Slovenia (how annoying it is for the wall chart filler that there's two teams in the tourney that should be abbreviated to SLO) Vs Denmark, a matchup worth watching to see what, if anything, England should fear.

23 seconds to go

Italy 2 - 1 Albania

Just two seconds shy of tabloids full of So Solid Crew references, Albania kicked the evening off with a bang. What a start to the game! 

I was rejuvenated by the BBC coverage, actually talking in some depths about the teams and their countries before the game, something ITV probably want to do more, rather than killing me with Southgate chat and congratulating each other on their OBEs. I hadn't known that Sylvinho and Zabaleta were behind the growth of the Albania team, nor had I known that the match would largely be a Serie A clash.

And what a game it was. Albania quite gutsy and direct. Italy slick and well balanced, definitely contenders. Their possession and passing from 45yds-20yds from goal was excellent. Add a proper striker and they'd be favourites imo.

The game was great. Italy dominated and could have won by more, but Albania were always in it, dangerous on the break and could have levelled it up with the last kick. Notable performances from Calafiori, who definitely has a Maldini vibe about him, and Barella who is measured in everything he does.

The first full day of tourney has been excellent. Obviously, with England playing today, I fully expect the first doses of refereeing controversy / fan violence / bore draw to rear their heads.

I will do some obligatory parenting before settling in for the trilogy this afternoon. Park Run and a trip to Halfords before a scouting watch of Denzel Dumfries in action, and then onto Group C.

What's Morata you hey?

Spain 3 - 0 Croatia 

The big game was something of an anticlimax then, with Spain dominating and racking up a 3-0 win. Gone are the days when they clock up 80% possession but with little threat - now that they have Nico Williams and the ridiculously young Yamal. With those two they add incision and purpose to their still dominant possession game.

Croatia lacked something, both in central defence and up front, the end of an era I feel. That said, I guess it is worth seeing them Vs less formidable opposition before judging.

Tonight I learned a new thing about encroachment from a penalty kick. I'd not realised it just results in a free kick rather than a retake. Definitely a disincentive.

A cracking start to the tournament. I'll be taking in Italy Vs Albania on delay, to facilitate being a normal human for a few hours - but very much looking forward to seeing the holders in action. I've always said the thing that I like most about these international tournaments is the fact that teams have a real national identity. Whilst that has diminished over the years (with so many players of different nations all playing in the same leagues), I do feel tonight's matchup will display this theory.

Fondue > Goulash

Hungary 1 - 3 Switzerland 

Game 2 in the bag and a surprise win (to many) for Switzerland. They've come a long way from the soporific teams from the 00's and 10's. Truly they used to be the toughest fixtures to comtemplate as I settled in for any major tourney, but they are much pacier and free-er now and this result has presented a massive problem for Scotland's hopes. Hungary rallied in the second half, which only further jeopardises Scotland's plight. Definitely some fun fixtures to come in Group A.

My favourite moment of the game was seeing Martin Ádám come onto the pitch. An absolute barrel of a man. He literally looked like a present day Rooney would look coming onto the pitch. Amazing. Some basic research reveals that he is an absolute goal machine, scoring 230+ goals from his 290ish career appearances. He is currently tearing it up with Ulsan of the K-League.

Other points of note were Hungary's manager frighteningly resembling Jeffrey Dahmer and Breel Embolo coming on and scoring for the Swiss after a season long ACL outage (giving me hope for Mings, Buendia and Kamara who have all suffered the same fate this season).

Now, whilst I smash together a slow-cook curry, I'm readying up for the first BIG game of the tourney. Spain v Croatia. I'm very much looking forward to seeing hypothetical (if PSR/FFP didn't exist) Villa target Nico Williams playing. Still perplexed as to why Pau Torres isn't gracing this stage, and wondering if it is even possible for Croatia to still function as a top team at this level, given the age of their major players. This afternoon, I fear, we will get an answer to the negative...

Glass half Fulkrug

Germany 5 - 1 Scotland

And we are off. Following a pretty lame opening ceremony, we got our first dose of tourney action, and Germany looked frighteningly awesome. They are much more likeable as a team now, with a good brand of football, blending control with directness.

Toni Kroos was some kind of passing machine, completing 119/120 passes as the Germans strangled the life out of a sterile Scotland. I'd actually thought it would be a close game, but it became clear early on that Germany would prevail. Scotland had literally no outlet. A forward threat of Che Adams and zero wingers is a serious problem for them, especially when the midfield is bolstered by the likes of Scott McTominay, who everyday looks and plays more and more like a keen sixth former than a premier league midfielder.

Musiala was majestic. I know there was lots of fuss about him in the last tourney, but he seems to have come on a lot and is much less a wildcard now, instead an integral threat for a pretty good team.

InstaVAR was on show, with decisions happening without fuss. It makes me wonder why the Premier League can't afford to put microchips into its footballs, instead preferring shambolic prevarication from muppet officials. Tournaments usually highlight good signings that need making, and already this one has put semi-automated VAR front and centre in the shop window.

Selfishly, I spent the second half considering the benefits of McGinn coming home early so he can rest up and do good things for Villa early next season, but then I remembered that this tourney has the stupid format where most of the third place teams still qualify. So it's not over for Scotland, and we may yet still see Che Adams set the knockout stages alight.

3 games today, fridge stocked, now I'm hyped.

Not hyped?

Why have I not been hyped for this tournament? I love international tournaments but something is different. By this time I am normally knee deep in Panini stickers, decorating my walls with fixture charts, booking annual leave and  humming "it's coming home" to myself. This year I feel a bit cold about it all, until 8pm tonight that is.

I think there's a combination of reasons. 

First and foremost is the Southgate effect. I feel numbed by his management of our team. He's had a top 2/3 squad for his entire tenure, and has set them up like underdogs each tourney, largely earning praise for our progress when really he should not have. I despise how he manages the squad. Since the World Cup its all been about hanging on to Hendo, MacGuire, Phillips as long as possible, only to be without them all going into the tournament, and thus we now have a team with virtually no cohesion or understanding. Still, we are good enough to do well despite him, so all hope is not lost.

Then there's the fact that I've pretty much only just switched off the Champs League final - the tourney seems to have come about quickly.

Either way - this negative vibe is set to wear off during the day, as game 1 approaches. Hosts Germany vs Super John McGinn's Scotland, promised to be a high energy opener I'd think. With friendly kick off times throughout, I should be able to watch a good amount of the tournament, and it should be pretty open with a host of teams realistically in with a shout. 

I've been feeling a bit grotty this week, and had some time off work, including today. So my plan now is to take in some of the pre-tournament commentary and vibes, so that I can offer up a predicted winner (surely it comes from France/Spain/Germany) and also pick out potential dark horses. I think there could be a good few upsets in this one. 

The best possible outcome? Southgate leaves the squad early after being offered the Man United job. He promises to slowly crush their soul over the course of his 9 year contract. England are taken over by the BBC punditry team. We draft in an actual left back to the squad (previous reports claimed that there were none, but then someone realised that teams other than the sky six exist). Then Bellingham, Konsa and Watkins unleash all hell on the tourney, winning it in style. Konsa and Watkins (amazingly considering their exertions in the tournament) manage to tap up lots of Europe's top talent, with six top players returning home with them to join Villa on a free. 

Its coming home.