Rinse and repeat

I'll confess it. After watching 85 minutes of that, I wanted us to lose. When Rice took the ball and inadvertently rounded Pickford, I daydreamed of him just smashing it into his own goal, making the aeroplane arms and running straight down the tunnel and onto the first EasyJet. Absolute dogshit. I know I should be better, cheer on the three lions and all that, but I just don't want us to do it like this.

We  (/Southgate) are (/is) so lucky we have a player of the calibre of Bellingham, because nothing (from the limited pot of things tried) was going to work tonight.

We all spent the second half looking at the bench, expecting action, but only seeing the perfectly pressed zipper top, clad by it's paralysis-personified-politics-puppet.

Once we'd grabbed the last gasp equaliser, there was of course only going to be one winner. Momentum is a real thing. But even then, we did give them a shout, with defensive minded substitutions, to really hammer home the smash-and-grab vibe that we are rocking.

And so on we go. Wait to hear about how all the subs have tired themselves out, and haven't had many minutes in their legs lately, and thus we must go unchanged into the Switzerland game. Maybe it's coming home, but it's reeking of piss and has got kebab meat all down it's zipper top.

End of Danes

Round of 16: Germany 2 - 0 Denmark

This game was like an advanced refereeing course. Michael Oliver and his crew were presented with the full gamut of scenarios throughout the evening, including how to deal with the apocalypse.

Whilst I was lamenting the handball decision that killed off Denmark's second half momentum, it's hard to argue at all with the result. Germany spent the first and last quarters of the match running through the Danes and could have scored a hatful. Denmark were slow to start, rallied briefly, but just didn't have much threat going forward.

They are a strange team, Germany. In large parts, they look excellent. Two physical centre halves, decent full backs, supreme tidiness in Kimmich and Kroos and the pace and flair of Musiala and Sane. They've got it all, but they also seem to lose momentum and have fragile periods in games. I don't expect Spain to pass up the chance to capitalise on this, if they beat Georgia and face Germany in the quarters.

Off to sleep now, I need to steel myself for the Southgate show tomorrow.

 

Xhaka can

Round of 16: Switzerland 2 - 0 Italy

This was set to be a good matchup. Switzerland had been impressive until this point, and Italy had been stumbling after looking very sharp in group game one. But only one of the teams showed up this afternoon, Italy looking like they'd had something put into their coffee, completely out of sorts.

They missed Califiore, a Pau Torres like influence in their defense, starting all the moves and making up an extra man in midfield once in possession. But this wasn't a case of missing a player or two, the whole team (Donnarumma aside) looked absent, off it, defeated from the outset.

Credit to the Swiss (that was so, so nearly the  blog title). They dominated the ball and looked utterly at ease, scoring two smart goals and posing the much greater threat. Vargas was a constant menace, Xhaka was everywhere. They are, and I don't mean this critically, a product of the homogenisation of international football. Slowly, each teams national identity is waning, as more and more players are facing each other at top clubs week in week out. So where the Swiss used to be workmanlike and uninspiring, they now have top pros who get it done on a regular basis, and it shows.

So England or Slovakia will play for the right to face the Swiss in the QF, a prospect that normally speaking would be a dream ticket to the semi. Let us see.

Perspective

 With the frequency of a Gareth Southgate attacking substitution, I make a dramatic return to the biennial blog tradition of old, rolling back the years Modric style! (Dovidenja Luca!)

Today marks the first round of games of the last 16, and with only 8 teams dropping out from the group stage allowing for the ability to qualify without winning a group stage game (I’m looking at you Slovenia), it feels like the tournament is just getting started. As I start to look forward, let’s also look back at the highlights so far:

Spain - hands down the best team in the tournament so far. Fluid, exciting on the wings, yet still with Morata up front. It’s like centre forward is Spain’s left back position, only that Alvaro claims to be a “specialist”. Like any strong team that look world beaters in the group stage, ultimate failure awaits. Morata sitter missed and defeat in the quarter final awaits.

Germany - At the end of the day, they’ve beaten Scotland and Hungary. Denmark will be a challenging and organised opponent. But in Musiala, they have a player who could define this tournament. It might need extra time, or even pens, but they will squeak through today and beat Spain in the quarters.

Rubbish teams heading to the semis - It’s here that time is my friend. Watching Birchy’s impressive Kante like levels of production on the blog has been nothing short of tremendous. And all of his snap reactions have been precisely on point. But with the benefit of taking a deep breath, I don’t have to call this section “England”, although they are a very prominent member! More on the 3 Lions later, but this club also includes an underwhelming but supremely talented France, a “not sure what we’ll do today” Belgium (and even if they did play well, Lukaku has somehow been cursed by the ghost of Stockley Park and the first human victim of AI taking over the world as every goal is denied), and an Italy team that appears well organised but somewhat limited. Not all of these teams will feature deep in the tournament, (Exhibit A: France v Belgium in this round) but you just know a subset will without doubt.

My pick for tourney winners - Portugal. They look good and balanced, will be well rested after topping the group after 2 games. And you know there’s some kind of Ronaldo narrative to play out. 

Delights - Brilliant goals, Austria topping the group, Georgia qualifying for the tournament itself via an a slightly ajar back door and making it to the last 16, Romania game 1 overwhelming Ukraine, Fans - it seems that almost every team has a fantastic following and that seats have been given to actual fans versus corporations.

Frights - Scotland. Awful first game, and while able to yell injustice in their final game, only managed their first shot on target in the last minute when needing to win. Limited. Hot on the heels of winning the champions league, the Everton manager alumni society now has two teams in the last 16. Even more frightening, I just predicted above that one of them will win the thing! Phenomenal. Daniel Sturridge- this will appear an unusual pick, but here in the USofA we have been “treated” to the analytical punditry of DS alongside Alexi Lalas ranting uncontrollably at anything that moves and Georgio Chiellini. The latter’s only quality insight so far was to smugly say “ will England change and play more attacking in the next game? Under this manager? No”. He knows.

England - which leaves me with the Southgate conundrum. Yes, he’s conservative and safety first. Yes, he should be getting more out of the players, but I don’t think we should be at the throwing beer cups stage just yet. He’s not the first manager to struggle with two similar players positionally (see Gerard, Lampard & Scholes), he’s not the first to struggle with an ageing striker that starts to affect how the team plays and  he’s not the first to underwhelm in the group stage. Perspective is needed. We’ve won the group, we apparently won the draw for what feels like the 3rd tournament in a row, and in the last game against a team determined to defend all game, we saw Gareth start to turn to players who will make the difference. Sure, the Gallagher experiment to replace the Trent experiment could have been dealt with in the qualifiers, but it’s done now and Mainoo is sure to start and Cole Palmer has to feature strongly. Energy may return. Lastly, there were concerns over the defence and we’ve been rock solid so far with Guehli our best player.

And with that, we move forward with hope. We’re in control of what happens next, and have the tools to fix this. And if Gaz is allowing Anthony Gordon to ride his electric bike without stablisers, maybe this is the first sign that the shackles are coming off…..

Permutations

Group F finale

Georgia 2 - 0 Portugal

Czech Republic 1 - 2 Turkey 

Two very entertaining games tonight, and for the first time in these finales I had to make a big screen switch mid game. This was mainly because of the emerging last 16 permutation situation.

With the Czech Republic down one down and down to 10 men Vs Turkey, I assumed that one was done, so instead flipped across to the Portugal game, assuming they'd be all over Georgia in attempts to overcome their 1-0 deficit. How wrong I was, as Georgia weaved and battled their way to a glorious victory.

And as the games progressed it became clear that England weren't predestined to play v Netherlands at all, but in fact both results on the night were pushing Slovakia in our direction. The format of the competition is an absolute disaster, clarity wise, with nobody knowing in real time what was what. I missed a good chunk of the second half whilst frantically googling for clarification, finally finding the most ridiculous check sheet that outlined the wild combination of permutations that could unfold. 

The final group games are exciting typically because of jeopardy, and this current format denies us the jeopardy twice. First because hardly anyone gets knocked out, and second because half the excitement is usually "if X score a goal here, then we play vs Y in the next round". When nobody knows, it's harder to care about what's happening.

But, the groups are done, and it's been a cracking tournament so far. I will find some other aspect of life to do for a couple of days and be back, raring to go for the last 16, at the weekend.

Brinkmanship

Group E finale

Ukraine 0 - 0 Belgium

Slovakia 1 - 1 Romania

A strangely undramatic yet incredibly tight group finale this one. Both games were ok, and had a few chances but it was somehow subdued. All four teams kind of seemed ok with the draws they were getting. Ukraine of course were in most peril, and played actually really well, but even something about them suggested that they were kind of hoping for a winner in the other game that would have seen them through with a draw.

My match of choice was the Belgium one, and I spent a good part of it purring at the combination of Tielemans, Onana and De Bruyne in their midfield, before realising that they had looked great without creating anything fully decisive. It does feel as though they will click though, potentially at great cost to someone soon. That someone of course is France, in what is surely the pick of the last 16.

Ukraine had been improving, but in truth deserved to be knocked out from that group, as the others all offer something extra.

The group F games are happening now, and it seems that unless Georgia go crazy, it will mean England play Netherlands and our defence will get an examination. 

I've been teaching my kids to ride bikes the last few days and found myself comparing my own teaching / mentoring approach to Southgate. Initially I was demanding caution and safety above all else, and what I got in return was nervous, unconfident, frustrated efforts in return. As I slowly released the shackles and gave the kids more responsibility, they thrived and absolutely smashed it. They are proud of their achievements and are loving the process. It's hard to let the shackles off, but I can confirm that it works. Your move, Gareth. 

The definition of madness

Group C 'finale'

England 0 - 0 Slovenia

Denmark 0 - 0 Serbia

I don't think I have many words. We did the same thing with the same people, and the same thing happened. A stultifyingly boring and abject performance again from a team bereft of energy, pace, patterns or plan.

We now look forward to political straplines about "tough opposition", "topping the group", "not conceding" and so forth. Literally the only positivity gleaned from all of this is that we have proven that Tripper at left back, Arnold or Gallagher in CM and Foden and Bellingham playing on top of each other doesn't work. Likewise that Kane in this system actually limits us. 

Now it is over to Gareth and whether he can act on the glaring evidence before him, because the games only get harder now.

I'd have switched over to the other game, but for the fact that it was also a stalemate, though we left ourselves a single kick of a ball away from a tie with Germany and the prospect of Spain and France in future rounds. 

Lucky boy Southgate...now swallow that pride and sort it out.

I don't know what this means

Group D finale 

Netherlands 2 - 3 Austria

France 1 - 0 Poland

What an exciting afternoon of football that was. I expected France and Netherlands to comfortably win their respective matches with goal difference determining the Group winners, but the early [banger] of an own goal put Austria into a surprise lead out a different slant in things. This one was my game of choice as I expected it'd be tighter.

Then ensued 35 minutes of relative tedium before all hell broke loose in the second half.

Poland looked to be causing some threat. Netherlands equalised, went behind, equalised again, then went behind AGAIN. All of this happened during the time it took Lewandowski to take the run up for his penalty which put Poland level with France.

Frantic scanning of live tables and we ended up with the (in my mind) impressive Netherlands in 3rd place in the group, and, I am sad to admit it, I have no idea what that means. I'm assuming that some poor group winner will be matched up against them, but am not even sure that is true. I've still yet to properly work out what is going on, I think because of some kind of "Team # from group x plays the best placed 3rd place team out of groups y or z" which basically makes me want to stab a fork into my eyes.  It's actually a shame to see highly consequential goals going in, but having no idea what it means for the tournament.

But, huge kudos to Austria, Rangnick has done an incredible job there. A banging performance and deserved result.

England up next, I'm fully expecting a better performance and for our nation to immediately flip into "it's coming home" mode.